i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
