never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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