I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just want nice things and good sex
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
