I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
