sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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