You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
im having a threesome with these popsicles
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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