this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
