anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
