I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
