New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
