im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
