You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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