I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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