i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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