Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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