mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
