i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
