I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
