my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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