You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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