Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
