no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
