She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
