So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize