I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
