I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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