cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
