i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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