I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
