so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
