don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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