I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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