a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
