.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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