No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
