when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize