If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
