i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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