I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize