I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
