If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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