As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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