ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
