my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
