1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
