I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
