any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
