Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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