On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize