wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
