she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
