i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
