Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
