You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
be right there i have to get my cape
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
