I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
