Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We are all done wearing pants today
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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