i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
