Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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