She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
