It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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