I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
