Porn is love you can see.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
