bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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