How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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