i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize