we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
