he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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