There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize