booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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