walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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