Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
