Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
