Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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